Love is funny. It’s unlike most anything else. It has the power to make you feel happy. Sad. Hurt. Annoyed. Beautiful. Basically just open up your emoji list and look at all of the faces. I’m pretty sure love can make you feel all of those things. Crazy right?
Well today I want to talk about something that is sometimes hard for me to comprehend. And that is, love isn’t finite.
Have you ever seen little kids argue over a best friend? Both are convinced that kid A is their best friend, and now they want kid A to choose.
Or maybe a new sibling joins your family, and now your child feels like there isn’t enough love to go around?
Could be a special person in your life just developed a new friend group, and you’re feeling a little forgotten.
Love isn’t like pie. If someone takes a slice of it, that doesn’t reduce the amount available.
Now I’d like to take a minute to caveat this. I’m not talking about romantic love. In that space you better pick your ONE person and keep it moving.
But when new people enter into life it’s easy to feel like there isn’t room for you anymore. You might feel challenged, competitive even. This probably seems like a strange topic, and maybe you’re thinking ‘I haven’t done that since middle school’. And maybe you haven’t. But even if you don’t need this lesson I can almost guarantee that someone in your circle does, even if it’s your kids.
Because I think this is one of the crucial pillars in self-love. When you realize that you are lovable independent of anyone else, it may reassure you that who you are is enough. You don’t need to compete for anyone’s love. You are lovable just because you’re you.
The problem is, sometimes it doesn’t feel that way, and I know that. So here are 3 love mantras you can use to help yourself, or even someone else, realize that love is infinite.
Love Mantra 1: Love isn’t a competition
Think about it. There is no measurement for love, so how can you really compete? It’s not like you can hop on a scale and it’ll say ohh, your bff has 30 pounds worth of love for you today. Nuh-uh.
I read a book once where a couple was newly divorced. His ex-wife had primary custody of their daughter so on the rare instances when he got to be with his daughter, he felt that he was competing for her love. It was like he thought the little girl only had so much to give, and he wanted to make sure he had a stake in there somewhere. Well, eventually he realized, he wasn’t in competition with her mom. He was just in competition with himself. All he needed to do was be better than he’d been.
This is the takeaway. Love will feel like a competition if you think there is only a certain amount of it. Once you realize that’s not the case, why are you really competing?
Little kids do a great job of showing us this. They love everyone, don’t they? Well depending on your kid. There is no competition, there is no winning or losing. It’s just pure and simple love.
There’s so much we can learn from them.
Love Mantra 2: Every relationship is individual
What does this mean? It means that my relationship with someone is not dependent on your relationship with that same person. We are all different, and our relationships will reflect that.
For some reason, when I think about this I think of food. I know it doesn’t make sense, but stick with me here. I love macaroni and cheese. If someone put a plate of the stuff in front of me, I’d be super excited. But you know what else I love? Pineapple. And lasagna, and fajitas.
I love all of those things. If one day I woke up and stopped loving pineapple, it wouldn’t change how I felt about lasagna. Or tomorrow, if I discover a new food that I love, it isn’t going to change how I feel about the foods I already love. It makes sense when you think of it in those terms right?
Well it’s the same with people. Each relationship is separate.
If someone meets a new friend, it doesn’t lessen your role in the person’s life. Each of our relationships are different, even in the same friend group.
Love Mantra 3: Relationships fluctuate throughout different seasons of life.
Right now my son is at a point in his life where his dad is his favorite person on the entire earth. When dad walks into the room, it doesn’t matter who else was there, it doesn’t matter what he was doing, he’s going to be with his dad. Personally I love that. Especially since I chose the best dad in the world for my son. But I digress.
The point is, right now, that’s what my son needs. It doesn’t mean that he loves me any less. He’s just at a point in his life where he needs and wants his dad. And on the flip, when he was first born, I was his favorite person. Why? Because I probably looked like a walking food truck to him. At that time he needed me to help him grow and to help him with all of the other things he hadn’t figured out in life.
Aren’t we the same? This happens in friendships, in families…really in everything. My best friends all came into my life around the same time. There have been times when we’ve talked every single day. Throughout the entire day. Every little update became a form of communication that we had to have. And then there have been times when months go by. But the love hasn’t changed. Nothing has, except for the need that we had at that time. I guess what I’m trying to say is, just because outward actions change, doesn’t mean that love does.
Well guys, that’s if for this week. I really wanted to write about this topic because people are really struggling right now. This may seem like an elementary concept, but when you are struggling with mental health, or pandemic life, or the uncertainty of it all, it’s easy to question the things that you were once sure of. Including love. So I wanted to go back to the basics.
If you enjoyed these love mantras, but you want more, I’d encourage you to check out this deck of affirmation cards that you can leave all around your house. They’re a cool way to remind yourself of how special you are.
I want to encourage you to reach out to someone one you’ve been missing today. Give them a ring, send them a text, just reconnect. It’ll do you both a world of good.
Make life sweet and learn all you can.