Do you have an friend that you don’t have to fix yourself up for? Like if your house is a mess, can they still come over? If you’re having a rough day and aren’t much company at all, do you have a friend who you don’t have to fake it for?
I hope you do. Friendship should be about what you are, not what you’re trying to be.
Seriously. True love is that type of love that you don’t have to fix yourself up for. One of my best friends came to visit me a few months after my son was born, and we did absolutely nothing. I didn’t show her the sites, I didn’t give my house a deep clean, I mean nothing. All I really did was pick her up from the airport and invite her into my world. And we had the best time. You know why? Because it wasn’t about all of that other stuff. It was just about hanging out!
Friendships like this are so important to have. You know that feeling when someone sees you just for who you are, no matter what circumstance you’re going through, and they still love you? Well that’s a wonderful feeling. I pray that you’ll all find friends like these.
But in my experience, it’s easier to be a good friend than it is to find one. So how do you become that friend for someone else? Well I’ve got a few ideas.
Accept the highs and the lows
Relationships are never 50/50. There are times when you’ll be giving more in the relationship, and other times when they will.
Sometimes you’ll argue. Sometimes you’ll grieve. Other times you’ll share the best memories. It’s all apart of the deal. Don’t just be there for the good times. If you’re going to be a good friend, you need to show up for all of it, good and bad.
And on the other side, make sure that your friends are doing the same for you. You don’t need people in your life who only want to be apart of your positive moments. Honestly, the rough times in life, are really good times to tell who your real friends are. And once you know, trim the fat!
Realize that your relationships are going to go through different seasons
Sometimes you’re going to talk everyday, other times months will pass. That’s ok. There is no right and wrong here, you get to make the rules for your relationships.
Good relationships will grow with you. I think we’ve all heard it said that some people are just in our life for a season. But lifelong friendships will last through all of the seasons. Yes they’ll change. But have that dynamic quality is what makes things so special.
Listen
This is a skill that really seems to come naturally for some people. I don’t know that I’m one of those people. I’m not a terrible listener, I just usually have a lot to say. But being a good friend means that you’re always ready to listen. And I’m not just talking about listening to words. This is also listening to body language, and reading between the lines.
This is a skill that I’m starting to improve and it’s all thanks to my husband, Greg. I think he’s the best listener in the world. He does it so well that in the beginning I thought he had zoned out while listening, but he always knew exactly what I’d said. Ha!
Be the friend that someone can call when they need to be talked off a ledge. Or when they need to vent, or even when they need to share something great that’s happening in their lives. Don’t try to one-up them, don’t try to compare your situations, don’t even try to offer unsolicited advice. Just listen.
Be dependable
Don’t be that flaky friend. You know that person that says they’ll show, but then they don’t? They say they call and then they don’t?
You don’t want to be them.
Let people know that you mean what you say and you say what you mean.
Nuff said.
Be honest
This has a lot to do with the previous point I just made. Instead of being the flaky person who says they are going to show, and then doesn’t, how about just saying you don’t want to go? Just be honest with what you like and don’t like. Be the friend that isn’t going to sugar coat everything. That way people know they can come to you for an honest answer.
And besides that, be honest about who you are. Don’t pretend to like something, just because you’re hoping to gain a friend. How much more valuable would it be to have a friend who loves you authentically? The thing is, you have to show them the authentic you in order for that to happen.
In my opinion, all of the things I listed above are essential to having a rich and authentic friendship. What did I miss?
One thing I do want to say before I go is, of course it’s so important to choose your friends wisely. You don’t want to be in a situation where you are always giving and someone else is always taking. Be mindful of that. It’s ok to let friendships go, it really is.
Friendship is work, but it’s so rewarding. I hope you all have rich and wonderful friendships. I know for a fact, these qualities will help.
Make life sweet and learn all you can.
