This Sunday will be my 6th anniversary. I can’t believe it’s been 6 years already. But when I was thinking about that, I started thinking about how even though I’ve talked about love before, I’ve never really delved into the topic of relationships. So with that in mind, I want to give you 6 things to look for in a partner.
Now 6 years doesn’t give me expertise, there are people who have been doing this much longer and much better than I have. But I do know a little something. So this is my second series. This week I’m going to tell you how I knew my husband, Greg, was the one (aka 6 things to look for). And next week we’ll talk about the best relationship tips I’ve ever received.
Now after I wrote this, I realized that this list isn’t just relevant when it comes to picking your spouse. These are also important qualities to find when choosing your friends, or any other important relationships you have in your life. And even more than that, this list is also a self assessment, because if you’ve already chosen your person, you can ask yourself, am I doing these things for them?
All right, this list is in no particular order.
He’s willing to work through hard times and have uncomfortable conversations.
Let me tell you, Greg and I have had some uncomfortable conversations. But we’d also had some before we were married and I knew that having them with him was safe.
See, you want someone with grit (Greg’s word). You don’t want someone who heads for the hills at the first sign of trouble. You need someone that is willing to put in the work. And on the flip side, be the person who is willing to put in work.
You want someone who is worth all of the hard times that you might go through, and you want someone who knows that you are worth it too.
You become a better version of yourself when he is around.
I don’t like when people say, you complete me. That assumes that the person who never finds love is going to be walking around incomplete for the rest of their lives.
No.
Instead, two already complete people are coming together and creating a new oneness. And you want to do what with someone who makes you a better person.
Greg does that for me. He compliments me. He bring peace to my chaos. He challenges me when I need it. And he brings joy to my life. I like who I am when I’m with him. This is so important. Don’t choose someone that makes you a worse person. Or doesn’t help you at all. Choose someone that adds something to your life.
And likewise, add something to their life.
He can tell you when you’re wrong
In the same vein, find someone who can be honest with you. You don’t want a relationship built on lies. If you messed up, this person should be able to tell you. And even more, you should be able to receive it.
He can admit when he’s wrong
How annoying would it be to choose someone who was always right, about everything? Choose someone who can say…yeah, I messed that up. And be that person as well.
I don’t think there’s any room for pride in a marriage. There is no, me vs. you. It’s us vs. whatever issue may come up. So if you mess up, own it, and just move on.
During these 6 years, there have been quite a few times when we’ve had epic fails and been able to laugh about them. Noone is expecting perfection here, just willingness.
You enjoy being around him
Greg is my best friend. I genuinely enjoy being around him. It’s not about what we do, or where we go. It’s not even about the conversations. I just know that when I’m with him, I’m happy.
Now of course, this isn’t all of the time. Sure sometimes you get mad, you argue, or you just need some space. But, in general, why not choose some one you love being around?
It’s pretty cool getting to wake up to your best friend every morning.
He supports you
This person that you’re about to choose should be your biggest cheerleader, and you should be theirs.
He should support your dreams, and help you achieve them. But even more than that, he should just support you. Somedays, I just need a hug. And when Greg gives me one, I feel supported. It doesn’t have to be support in a material way. But however they give it, that support really means something.
Welp, that’s all for this time. I wanted to write this list because whoever you are reading this, I hope you know that you shouldn’t settle for anything less. I want you to wake up next to someone that you want to be there. I want you to choose someone that will add to the value of your life, not lessen it.
And to my husband, the one that I get to celebrate 6 years with…I’m happy I chose you.
Make life sweet and learn all you can.
Great Post. Sometimes having uncomfortable conversations with other person makes you their enemy. I hope I can find someone who can handle it with peace.
That’s very true. I don’t think everyone is capable of having uncomfortable conversations, because sometimes people feel attacked. But when you find the person who can handle those conversations with peace, the uncomfortable conversations will actually wind up bringing you closer together. That’s what you want. You’ll find it, I have faith!
these six things are an absolute necessary to be successful in marrage.
thanks for sharing!
Yes! Thanks Hari.